By the 31st of May, my contract on my old apartment finally expired. Having paid double rent for two and a half months, it was something I looked forward to. Now someone else lives there, and I’m gone from Skövde for good.
Having left the place where I grew up – permanently – is a rather strange experience to me. Skövde has been my home for the past 30 years (with brief exceptions) and it feels rather odd not to be able to go there any longer. Of course my Mom still lives there, but Skövde – my city! – is no longer mine. I don’t live there any longer. I am excluded.
Not that I’m complaining. Skärhamn is turning out to be a little piece of heaven on earth. Tjörn is amazingly beautiful and this quaint little town is very pretty as well. White little houses along the sea, seagulls floating by in the soft breeze from the ocean, blue skies and green trees interspersed among the cliffs. Right where I’m sitting now, on my balcony, I can if I just turn around see the harbor and the ocean a few hundred feet away, and a hundred little sailboats anchored up or heading out towards the calm sea glittering in the sunlight.
Living here and working in Stenungsund has its unique advantage. I work in the city, with a mall within walking distance (although its rather small), and every day I get to go home to the nice little village on the coast, where west of me is nothing but open sea, and then England. The only exception is the traffic over Tjörn bridge, which sometimes (like this Friday afternoon) can add another 20 minutes to the daily commute.
A nagging feeling stays with me though: The “what am I doing here” question is in the back of my head. The divine purpose eludes me for the moment, although, like the people on the boats in the distance, I’m sailing along with the wind, taking me wherever it may lead. So far, everything is going well.
It’s a walk of faith for sure. Gradually the feeling sinks into me that this is permanent. This is now where I live, and where I am likely to stay for the foreseeable future. I suppose, in a way, that this is the next shock wave; the first being the initial shock of moving from a city of 50,000 to a town of 3,000; and now I start realize that there is no way back.
It’s a big, scary world. “Thy sea is so great, and my boat is so small.” But I am so happy and so blessed to have Daddy’s (=God’s) hand to hold. I know He takes care of me and leads me to green pastures. And in time I suppose I’ll find things out, where this wind is carrying me and what my destination is. Sometimes I think I may even find that the journey was the destination, and that some day, I’ll come full cycle and head home again… wherever that may be.
Wow, what a beautiful story you wrote!